Sunday, March 8, 2009

Understanding Eckhart Tolle: PainBody

If you haven’t read the book A New Earth: Awakening to your life purpose by Eckhart Tolle, then I’d like to recommend it. It’s an exceptional book though some of the concepts seem esoteric at first, eventually something will happen to you or you’ll observe something that will bring about that unifying click, which signals understanding. Now of the many interesting concepts in regards to the egos mind structures and mechanisms discussed in the book, with this post I’d like to focus on the PainBody.

Based on what I understand of Mr. Tolle explanation of the PainBody, it seems to be an entity of its own within us that basically has its own identity derived from pain. I believe the painbody consist of emotional and physical pain. The painbody thrives on pain; specifically emotional pain and it cannot survive with out it. The painbody did not have an identity of its own in our early childhood because we were ignorant to emotional pain; all we knew then were physical pains. Emotional pains are based on social understandings, concepts, and structures. When we are socialized the pain body develops an identity, which makes sense because that’s when we start developing our identities too. For example “heartbreak”, is a socialized emotional pain. By socialized emotional pain I mean you only understand what it is once you defined or assigned meaning to some interaction you’re having. (i.e. my girlfriend cheats or dumps me, I’ll be heartbroken, because I’ve assigned meaning to our interactions and our relationship). Now I’m inclined to believe 1-3 year olds don’t assign such meaning to interactions or themselves. I can’t begin to think a two year old feels heartbroken. So the painbody must begin its feeding once an individual has become socialized. Once socialized; we begin to seek out existences through definitions; we seek to define ourselves relative to everyone else and the world. Every time we experience something that counters our belief, the painbody feeds. The painbody in essence is our socialized emotional pain compounded. From the first time you felt sad, angry, bitter, depressed, or disappointed to present day. There are painbodies unique to the individual, and then there are collective painbodies.

So how do you know your painbody is activated? Ask yourself this question, has someone ever done something, or said something to you that mad you so filled with rage, anger, or sadness it’s as if you were totally enveloped by the emotion? That’s the pain body identifying with past experiences and adding the current one to the catalog. So it’s as if you’re experiencing all those past experiences in the present moment, and that’s why the feeling is so strong or intensified. So the first step is to recognize when a negative feeling becomes rapidly present and intense, because the recognition of it allows you to be un-identified with it. The reason you need to be un-identified with it is because its strength diminishes when you realize it’s not you, its not how you want to be, it’s not how you want to feel. Identifying with it means you’re welcoming it; therefore you’ll become consumed by it. Even when you‘ve realized the painbody and resisted its flare-up’s it’s not that simple. The painbody is quite the seductive spirit. Emotions are quite seductive in nature, they change and have derivatives which you may not recognize at first. The painbody needs to feed, so even when you managed to stop painbody flare ups triggered by external forces, the pain body will attempt to trigger itself by creating a situation in your mind. For example have you ever seen someone throw fits of rage for no apparent reason? Ever seen someone start verbally or physically attacking someone for no apparent reason? Maybe you’ve verbally blew up at a cashier or maybe an atm machine for not doing something you wanted? That’s the painbody creating imagined situations so you can envoke it. The painbody wants you to lose your cool; because once you lose control it assumes it.

The best representation I can think of is the Marvel comic fictional character Bruce Banner and his rage filled counterpart the Incredible Hulk.



Bruce Banner becomes so consumed by his painbody that he transforms into his raged filled self which is totally different from his normal self.

Your painbody can also be activated by other people’s painbody. Ever wondered why misery loves company? Why someone who’s miserable can suck you into that miserable state of mind? If you allow them, painbodies feed off of pain. It can be your pain; it can be someone else’s pain. Don’t allow it? If you see someone totally consumed by their painbody and they try to make you consumed by your painbody by angering you, don’t allow them. Now collective painbodies can be experienced by nations, ethnic/racial groups, or gender. An example of a national painbody would be the one that was experienced by the majority of Americans against Muslims and people of middle eastern decent, directly after the attacks of 9/11. The simple utterance of 9/11 triggers that national painbody. You know at that point the painbody was so strong the masses did not speak out against the invasion of Iraq; we were so consumed with anger and the need for retribution that we acted. We know it’s irrational now, because Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction and Saddam and his regime were actually opposed to the real perpetrators of the crime (al-Qaeda) because they posed a threat to his power. Ethnic/racial painbodies would be triggered by slurs or derogatory words used against that race or ethnic group. Think for a moment…is there an ethnic/racial slur that invokes anger in a specific race? Even if an individual in that race wasn't directly the victim of such a slur, it may enrage him or her. That is a collective painbody that has been alive for many years, and continues to live because people allow it to. Lastly painbodies can be collective of a specific gender. For example many women assume that all guys are after one thing or all guys are cheaters. This assumed idea fuels the collective painbody that women use to identify with each other and downplay guys. Imagine a panel of women, or girl’s night out. Have you ever found your conversation focusing on bashing the male sex, with everyone in passionate agreement and en-raged by men for no logical reason? That’s the collective female painbody. I would imagine men experience something similar. But you must all be the one that refuses to accept that invitation. Don’t allow the painbody to seduce you. Be aware that it will sometimes try to sneak in even when you didn’t invite it. Don’t lose your cool, don’t loose control, and don’t allow the painbody to consume you. Recognize it and you will silence it.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Lovely Lady : AIDA YESPICA



BELLO!




Aida Yespica is a Venezuelan model. She participated in the Venezuelan national pageant and was crowned Miss Venezuela in 2002.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

She dictated your relationship, now “You’re Just Friends”. Go team Go!



This is dedicated to the guy out there that secretly has feelings for his female friend. Its okay bro, its okay, you live and you learn.

You had or have feelings for her but guess what she just wants to be “friends”. Can you blame her? Nothing about the way you were behaving screamed “I am a worthy man, hear me roarrrrrrr! “ So she sees you as a buddy, even worse you accept it and continue to be her buddy. I hope you realize what you’re getting yourself into, but in case you don’t I’ve managed to get the implicit and un-spoke contract that girls use to friend zone guys. This is what it looks like:

I (insert your name) do solemnly swear to uphold my duties as a girlfriend of (insert girls name here). I will cry with, listen to her complains about men, go shopping with, and share in mutual pain attributed to cramps due to our monthly cycle. I swear to never make any sexual advances, not even attempt a kiss. I promise to be the third wheel when she goes on dates. Go team Go!
______________________________X
Sign name here

Yup in essence this is what you’re agreeing to by accepting her reality. Once you agree that you’re only her buddy and can be nothing more, the standard has been set, and this new reality she’s created is the basis of all future interactions, you, my friend have been “friend zoned”. You lost by accepting it, and once you accept it its ridiculously difficult to change that at some point in the future. The friend zone is like an all-encompassing black hole



Every attempt you make to overcome it will only result in you being pulled further into it with the utterance of those three skin crawling words “we’re just friends”. Every utter of that combination of words strengthens her beliefs about you. She’s getting stronger the more you accept it. I’m not particularly opposed to being friends with females. Actually I think its healthy you have female friends, women have a lot to offer even if your not attracted to them. They have a perspective on things, issues, or the world that you’ll never see because you’re a man. We (men & women) both have value to offer each other. But be honest with yourself. If your attracted to the girl and think you’ll win her over by being her friend first, you’re setting yourself up for the friend zone. But if you genuinely want to be her friend and you’re not attracted to her, then by all means be her friend, and offer each other value. But if you like a woman, you have to let it be know. No hiding behind the disguise of being her friend. You have to set the tone from the first interactions. By doing this your creating the reality for her, your telling her, I’m not here to be your girlfriend, I’m here as a potential mate. If you make that the tone of your interactions from the beginning she’ll either accept it, or never talk to you again. She can’t say, were just friends because you barely know each other. If you set the “I want you” tone from the beginning in her mind your exact relationship is either “potential mate” or “ambiguous”, and your better off in any of these two categories then in the “friend zone”.

Lets say you managed to get yourself into the friend zone. Ahhhh this is going to be a real challenge. Its going to take everything ounce of manhood and courage you have to overcome the gravitational pull of the friend zone. Please don't be a crooner



If at some point you end up having a romantic interest in her, its time to let it be known full force. No holding back, no what if she doesn’t like me. That’s not your concern. Your only concern is to let it be known how you feel, no hiding behind your insecurities. To overcome the friend zone you’ll need to be bold, honest, and be a risk taker. You’ll need to risk your friendship, risk your current comfort zone, and risk her current comfort zone. It that simple! With your new found courage she’ll resist and say it again “we’re just friends”, but now you’ll say something like “well I’m willing to throw away a good friendship for a wonderful romance, I want you, and your just friends bs cant change my mind”. She’ll probably resist but you have to set the reality now, set the tone! Only the guy that’s willing to lose the girl gets the girl. And if you do lose the girl, at least you wont regret having never said anything, at least you don’t have to endure another moment of seeing or hearing about other guys she’s dating that are not the right ones for her. I mean if you sincerely like her, why should you settle for just being friends. Why should you hide the way you feel, or keep your mouth shut? What you have to offer her and what she has to offer you can never be the same with anyone else. The moments that you could share with her and she could share with you could never be the same with anyone else. When you realize that, you’ll see more of a reason of why you should let her know how you feel. Go get her tiger!

P.S. This article was geared toward men, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for a woman who has been put in the “friend zone” ;-)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Looking for the KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid

By Chase [chasescp@gmail.com]

The realization has dawned on me. I had to learn the hard way, but you don't. Ladies and gentlemen, listen up. Looking for that makeout? Want to go in for the kiss? Wondering when it's going to happen? Why's it taking so long? Remember this, KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Everything in life, and more importantly dating/relationships is made much more complex than it should and needs to be.

Simple is good. Simple leads to less stress. Less agony. Less pain. I'm sure that's what you desire. No more physical, emotional distress. No more hijacked mind, thinking about that person all the time. No more buts, can'ts, what ifs, or whys. No more. Keep it simple stupid.

Every person in existence desires a companion, a significant other. For the sake of keeping it simple, girls like guys, guys like girls. Girls want guys. Guys want girls. Both guys and girls have needs; emotional and physical. Both guys and girls want to be liked by each other, they both want to kiss, they want to share moments.

So when you've been going out for months and he hasn't officially called you his girlfriend, and you sit and wonder why? You didn't keep it simple stupid. She's been flaky on the phone? You're make it too complicating, just keep it simple stupid. Desperately seeking that babe working in the store's attention? Stop over thinking, that's right, keep it simple stupid.

See a reoccurring trend here? It's simple isn't it? Each situation is as complex as you decide to make it be. If you see someone you like, instead of hoping they notice you or instead of strategically positioning yourself in a place you hope they'll see you, go up to them. Talk. We're people, that's what we do. The bigger deal you make it, the more complex it becomes. Introduce yourself, smile, say hello. Keep it simple stupid. Instead of hoping someone tells you they love you, or like you, take that shortcut, simplify the situation, let them know. I like you. You'll get that kiss you seek.

KISS - try it. Let me know the results. Stop overthinking, stop waiting, stop making excuses, stop over-complicating things, simplify your life. Repeat it, next time you start getting anxious in front of that hottie: Keep it simple stupid.