This is dedicated to the guy out there that secretly has feelings for his female friend. Its okay bro, its okay, you live and you learn.
You had or have feelings for her but guess what she just wants to be “friends”. Can you blame her? Nothing about the way you were behaving screamed “I am a worthy man, hear me roarrrrrrr! “ So she sees you as a buddy, even worse you accept it and continue to be her buddy. I hope you realize what you’re getting yourself into, but in case you don’t I’ve managed to get the implicit and un-spoke contract that girls use to friend zone guys. This is what it looks like:
I (insert your name) do solemnly swear to uphold my duties as a girlfriend of (insert girls name here). I will cry with, listen to her complains about men, go shopping with, and share in mutual pain attributed to cramps due to our monthly cycle. I swear to never make any sexual advances, not even attempt a kiss. I promise to be the third wheel when she goes on dates. Go team Go!
______________________________X
Sign name here
Yup in essence this is what you’re agreeing to by accepting her reality. Once you agree that you’re only her buddy and can be nothing more, the standard has been set, and this new reality she’s created is the basis of all future interactions, you, my friend have been “friend zoned”. You lost by accepting it, and once you accept it its ridiculously difficult to change that at some point in the future. The friend zone is like an all-encompassing black hole
Every attempt you make to overcome it will only result in you being pulled further into it with the utterance of those three skin crawling words “we’re just friends”. Every utter of that combination of words strengthens her beliefs about you. She’s getting stronger the more you accept it. I’m not particularly opposed to being friends with females. Actually I think its healthy you have female friends, women have a lot to offer even if your not attracted to them. They have a perspective on things, issues, or the world that you’ll never see because you’re a man. We (men & women) both have value to offer each other. But be honest with yourself. If your attracted to the girl and think you’ll win her over by being her friend first, you’re setting yourself up for the friend zone. But if you genuinely want to be her friend and you’re not attracted to her, then by all means be her friend, and offer each other value. But if you like a woman, you have to let it be know. No hiding behind the disguise of being her friend. You have to set the tone from the first interactions. By doing this your creating the reality for her, your telling her, I’m not here to be your girlfriend, I’m here as a potential mate. If you make that the tone of your interactions from the beginning she’ll either accept it, or never talk to you again. She can’t say, were just friends because you barely know each other. If you set the “I want you” tone from the beginning in her mind your exact relationship is either “potential mate” or “ambiguous”, and your better off in any of these two categories then in the “friend zone”.
Lets say you managed to get yourself into the friend zone. Ahhhh this is going to be a real challenge. Its going to take everything ounce of manhood and courage you have to overcome the gravitational pull of the friend zone. Please don't be a crooner
If at some point you end up having a romantic interest in her, its time to let it be known full force. No holding back, no what if she doesn’t like me. That’s not your concern. Your only concern is to let it be known how you feel, no hiding behind your insecurities. To overcome the friend zone you’ll need to be bold, honest, and be a risk taker. You’ll need to risk your friendship, risk your current comfort zone, and risk her current comfort zone. It that simple! With your new found courage she’ll resist and say it again “we’re just friends”, but now you’ll say something like “well I’m willing to throw away a good friendship for a wonderful romance, I want you, and your just friends bs cant change my mind”. She’ll probably resist but you have to set the reality now, set the tone! Only the guy that’s willing to lose the girl gets the girl. And if you do lose the girl, at least you wont regret having never said anything, at least you don’t have to endure another moment of seeing or hearing about other guys she’s dating that are not the right ones for her. I mean if you sincerely like her, why should you settle for just being friends. Why should you hide the way you feel, or keep your mouth shut? What you have to offer her and what she has to offer you can never be the same with anyone else. The moments that you could share with her and she could share with you could never be the same with anyone else. When you realize that, you’ll see more of a reason of why you should let her know how you feel. Go get her tiger!
P.S. This article was geared toward men, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for a woman who has been put in the “friend zone” ;-)
